At BrilliantRead Media, we always strive to bring meaningful and inspiring stories from India and around the world to empower and motivate our growing community. As part of this endeavour, we invited Dr. Swapna Vithalkar for an exclusive interview with us. Dr. Swapna is a psychologist, life coach and the founder of Tosha Life, where she works at the intersection of psychology, relationships, behavioural concerns and emotional well-being. With nearly two decades of experience as a school psychologist and infertility counsellor in India, followed by her experience of living and working in Sweden, Dr. Swapna brings a unique cross-cultural perspective to mental health and relationships.
Through Tosha Life, she aims to help individuals and couples develop greater self-awareness, navigate relationship challenges and build healthier, more fulfilling lives. Let’s learn more about her inspiring journey, teaching philosophy, and valuable insights.
Excerpts from our exclusive interview with Dr. Sanchi:
What inspired you to pursue psychology and eventually establish Tosha Life? Was there a defining moment when you realized that helping people understand themselves would become your life’s work?
I started studying Psychology at the undergraduate level because some of my family members and friends were also studying it. I became fascinated by the subject when I started observing and analysing people around me through the theories of psychology, just as many new psychology students do.
Over time, I realised that constantly analysing people was making me more judgmental rather than helping me remain an objective observer. I consciously moved away from that approach and focused more on understanding people without judgement.
I worked in Nagpur and Pune for around 18 years as a school psychologist and infertility counsellor at Command Hospital. Later, I moved to Sweden, where I initially worked as a language teacher to earn a living.
Living in Sweden made me realise that many Indians needed someone with a psychological background who also understood the cultural differences that can influence relationships between couples, young adults and their parents.
That realisation eventually led me to establish Tosha Life. I wanted to bridge these cultural and relational gaps while using the skills and experience I had gained over many years of working with people and understanding them without judgement.
You strongly advocate constructive self-analysis. Why do so many people struggle to recognise their own behavioural patterns, even when those patterns repeatedly affect their relationships, careers and emotional well-being?
In my observation, people often struggle with constructive self-analysis because of traumatic experiences, misinterpretations, automatic cognitive distortions, chaotic circumstances and self-sabotaging habits that may have developed consciously or unconsciously over time.
These factors can influence the way we interpret ourselves, other people and situations around us. Eventually, these patterns can affect our relationships, careers, physical health and mental well-being.
True self-analysis requires us to observe ourselves objectively rather than constantly criticising ourselves. It is about asking, “Why am I behaving this way? What is influencing my response? Is this pattern helping me or harming me?”
That kind of awareness can become the starting point for meaningful change.
Stress, anxiety, negative thinking and low self-esteem have become increasingly common. What do you believe society still fundamentally misunderstands about psychological and emotional well-being?
One of the biggest challenges is the stigma surrounding mental health. Seeking help from a mental health professional is still considered taboo by a large section of society. Often, people approach a professional only when the intensity of the problem becomes unmanageable.
If they sought help earlier, the possibility of resolving the issue could be much higher.
I also appreciate the work of Deepika Padukone in creating awareness around mental health. She has openly spoken about seeking treatment for depression and continues to contribute towards greater awareness in society.
Another challenge is a lack of self-awareness. Sometimes people do not even recognise that they are experiencing a mental health issue, and it becomes the family’s responsibility to encourage them to seek professional support.
Unfortunately, there are still people who believe that mental health problems do not exist or that individuals are simply creating them for personal benefits.
There is also a lack of trust in mental health professionals and concerns around confidentiality, which can make people hesitant to open up. Finally, professional mental health services can be expensive, causing people to deprioritise them.
Your work involves relationship conflicts, behavioural addictions, infidelity, compulsive behaviours and family challenges. What is the first psychological barrier people need to overcome before meaningful change can begin?
In my opinion, the first and most important step is acceptance.
A person needs to accept, “I have a problem that I have been trying to resolve on my own, but now I need help.”
That acceptance requires courage. Most people naturally want to solve their problems independently, and there is nothing wrong with that. But recognising that it is okay to seek help from someone who is professional and non-judgmental can be extremely important.
Once acceptance happens, the recovery journey can begin. Everything else follows from that first step.
With technology deeply embedded in everyday life, concerns around video-game addiction, pornography addiction and other compulsive digital behaviours are growing. How can individuals and families recognise when a habit has crossed the line into a serious behavioural problem?
One of the initial signs can be a person’s reaction when they are asked to stop the activity. If they become unusually irritated or angry, it can indicate a withdrawal response.
Another sign is difficulty replacing the activity with something else. The person may suddenly feel empty or uncomfortable when they are unable to engage in that behaviour.
At that point, it is important to ask ourselves: “Am I becoming dependent on this activity?”
The more important question, however, is whether the behaviour is creating serious negative consequences in areas such as career, academics, relationships, finances or health.
For example, problematic pornography use may involve spending excessive amounts of time on the activity, difficulties in intimate relationships, financial consequences or repeated unsuccessful attempts to stop.
Similarly, excessive gaming can result in strained family relationships, loss of time that could have been spent on education or skill development, financial liabilities, reduced productivity at work and withdrawal from meaningful relationships.
Simply feeling guilty about a particular behaviour does not necessarily mean that someone has a behavioural addiction. The impact and consequences of the behaviour are important indicators.
In relationship and couple counselling, do conflicts usually arise from incompatibility, poor communication and unresolved individual issues—or is there something deeper that partners often fail to recognise?
Conflict in a relationship is completely normal. What matters is how the couple manages and resolves that conflict.
There can be many reasons behind relationship difficulties. Sometimes the underlying causes are old unresolved conflicts, betrayal, secrecy, lack of emotional safety or behavioural patterns that have been repeated for years and eventually create relationship gridlocks.
Other factors can include atypical sexual behaviours, unresolved childhood trauma, parental interference and incompatible attachment styles.
Every couple brings a unique set of experiences and challenges. Therefore, there cannot be one universal solution for every relationship.
As a psychologist, life coach and founder of Tosha Life, how do you define genuine success and well-being across the personal, social, mental, physical and emotional dimensions of life?
Every individual has their own definition of success and failure. My role is not to impose my definition of success on a client but to help them achieve what genuinely matters to them.
For me, genuine well-being begins with constant self-awareness and the ability to observe yourself honestly. It involves humbly accepting your shortcomings while consistently striving to become the best version of yourself.
However, achieving this requires different tools and perspectives. Therapists, counsellors and life coaches can become fellow travellers who support you through difficult phases.
Ultimately, though, the journey belongs to you. Professionals can guide and support you, but you are the one who has to walk the path.
The name “Tosha Life” itself has a deeper meaning. What does it represent, and what larger vision do you have for the future of Tosha Life?
The name Tosha Life reflects the objective of my work. The Sanskrit word Tosha represents being happy in one’s own skin and experiencing a sense of contentment despite the circumstances around us.
Looking ahead, I particularly want to reach couples who are struggling in their relationships because of cultural differences and personal challenges.
I also want to reach individuals who find it difficult to discuss sexuality, even with their own partners, and who may be struggling with secret sexual behaviours.
Another important part of my vision is to develop online courses for practitioners who work with people from different sexual orientations and with individuals experiencing Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder.
Sex continues to be a taboo subject in much of our social discourse. I would like to contribute towards creating a more informed, sensitive and professional approach to these conversations.
What is one message you would like to share with someone who knows they are struggling but is still hesitant to seek professional help?
Seeking help is not a sign of weakness. In fact, accepting that you need support can be one of the strongest decisions you make for yourself.
You do not have to wait until a problem becomes unbearable before seeking help. The earlier you understand what is happening, the greater the possibility of addressing it effectively.
Self-awareness, acceptance and the willingness to seek appropriate support can change the direction of your life.
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